Do you think you should be more committed to the church or less?
I’m sure many of you would expect me to say that you should be more committed to the church. Come more regularly. Give more money. Offer more of your time. And so on.
I’m going to surprise you this morning by saying that, for at least for some of us, we should give less. Do less. Come less often.
That’s probably not what you’d expect the vicar to say. It’s not something I’m planning to say frequently. But today’s Bible passage takes us exactly there.
But we can only hear this against the backdrop of why maybe we should be more committed than we are. Most of us have hardly begun to grasp what God has done for us. And as we start to see that, we will be moved to give more of ourselves to him. So let’s start there.
Vows
Numbers chapter 30 is a chapter about vows.
We thought a little about vows a couple of weeks ago, with Nazirites in Numbers 6.
The idea of a vow was simple. God had given lots of laws, things they had to do. But maybe you were so grateful to God that you’d want to do something extra. Something above and beyond what you have to do. So you could make a vow to do it. Or maybe you make a negative vow – a promise not to do something. This chapter calls those pledges. Nazirites pledged not to eat grapes, cut their hair, or go near a corpse. I’ll give up smoking for a month, and give the money I would have spent to charity. That kind of thing.
It makes sense. If you really love someone, you don’t just want to do what you have to do. You want to express your love for them in what you choose to do. There’s a massive difference between paying your taxes and buying a present for someone you love.
The context is that we’re at the end of the book of Numbers. They’re about to enter the land God swore on oath to Abraham. God didn’t have to promise to bless Abraham. He didn’t have to promise to give him a land flowing with milk and honey. He chose to. It was an amazing promise. And God swore that he would do this. God is about to honour his vow.
No wonder it might occur to these people to do things for God above and beyond what they absolutely have to.
And what Numbers chapter 30 verses 1 and 2 says is this: If you make such a promise to God, you must keep your promise. It doesn’t honour God at all to say you’ll do this or that, and then forget all about it when it’s no longer convenient.
God’s done so much for us in Jesus. He died on the cross so that we can be forgiven. He was raised to life to give us new life. He poured out his Spirit, so that we can have God live within us, to change and transform us. He has adopted us as his children. And one day he’s promised he’ll come back. He’ll rid the earth of all that spoils it, and his people will join him in an endless future that is perfect in every way, with God at the centre.
God’s done all that for us. Just because he chose to. Way back in eternity, before the world was made, God the Father and God the Son made a promise to each other. They bound themselves in a covenant, by an oath, that they would save the world in this way. And they’ve kept their vow. And we are the beneficiaries.
There are many commands in the Bible. Things we have to do. We mustn’t murder. We must be faithful in marriage. We must not lie. We must be loving as we speak the truth. We must not steal. We must work hard so can feed those we’re responsible for.
But that still gives lots of room to do much more. And many in this church do a lot more. We collect food for the Loaves and Fishes scheme. People help operate the projector. Others give up their time to help with crèche or Sunday Special. No verse in the Bible says you have to do those things. But people do.
And no wonder. God’s done so much for us. He’s kept the promise he made before the world began to bless us beyond our wildest dreams. And so he asks us to keep our promises to him. If we say we’ll do something, we do it.
Exceptions
That’s the general principle. Vows are there to be kept.
Against that backdrop, we get the rest of the chapter. It asks: What do you do when your vow clashes with something else?
This chapter is case law. It tells you what to do in a few cases when it might seem right to break your vow. There are plenty of other hard cases not described here. Young men who still live at home. Elderly spinsters. But it describes three scenarios, and leaves us to work out the rest from the principles that are here.
The first case is a young woman who still lives with her parents. Her father’s the head of the household, so she’s under his authority.
That’s not so far removed from today’s culture. If a young man falls madly in love with a young woman and they want to get married, there always used to be something he had to do before they could make their plans. He needed to ask the girl’s father. Many fathers would automatically say yes. But the point is that she’s under his roof, it’s down to him which young man he will give her away to.
This is simply a reflection of the fifth commandment. Honour your father and mother, God said. That includes respecting their authority. They may give you a lot of freedom to make your own decisions, but if they put their foot down you respect it.
So what happens if a teenaged girl decides she wants to take a job during the long summer holidays. But she’s going to give all of her earnings to the local church. She makes that vow. She gets the job. She gets paid after her first week’s work, and Dad asks what she’s going to do with it. She explains the promise she’s made. All her take-home pay will go to the church.
Verses 4 and 5 say that Dad’s got until the end of the day. If he says nothing before bedtime, she’s got to follow through on what she’s promised. But as he looks at the whole picture and what’s best for his zealous young daughter, he may decide that this was not a wise promise for her to make. So before the day is out, he says to her: Look, I’m thrilled that you want to give your pay to the church. Since the day you were born, your mother and I have wanted nothing more than for you to love God more than money, friends or success. The promise you’ve just made has been the best news I’ve heard in years. Look, I’m sorry, but you can’t do it. You can give half of it, but you borrowed some money from your Aunt last month, and you must pay her back first. And in the Autumn, you start sixth form, and sometimes you’ll want to go out with your friends. If you give it all away, you’ll be relying on them to pay for you, and that’s just not right.
What’s a girl to do? She’s promised God to give the money to the church. Vows are there to be kept, we’ve learnt. But Dad’s just overruled her. She can’t keep her vow and the fifth commandment. Which one wins.
Numbers 30 says that if her Dad overruled her the same day he heard of her vow, then he’s just cancelled the vow. God won’t hold it against her at all. She must obey her parents.
The young woman still living at home is the first example. The third example is the married woman. Now culturally this is much harder for us. The assumption here is that a married women is in a very similar situation. It’s no longer her father who is the head of the household. Since she got married, she’s in a new household, and her husband is now the head of house.
Now, half of you are now thinking: What?! How outdated! I’d love to try and unpack where this goes in the rest of the Bible, and how these assumptions apply today. But it just can’t be done in 5 minutes. It needs a whole sermon on its own. Over the years I’ve learnt that people easily misunderstand what you say. I’d hate to say a little, just enough to give you the wrong idea, and then you go away even more confused.
One thing we do need to say is that the Bible has a lot to say about the sorts of husbands we should be. Husbands should love their wives with a costly, sacrificial love. Puts their wives’ needs above their own, whatever the price. It should be a joy to be loved like this, liberating the wife to fulfil her potential, love God, and serve others. It should not be crushing, stifling or inhibiting to be treated like a princess. Of course, sadly, not all husbands live up to this.
And then here, if a woman’s husband hears of her vow, looks at the bigger picture, and decides it’s not for the best, his wife is to trust his judgement, and God will not hold it against her. And she can be sure he would never do this lightly.
Case 1: A young woman, old enough to make vows to God, but still living at home. Case 3: A married woman. Case 2 straddles these. The woman who makes a vow before she gets married, and then gets married before fulfilling her vow.
The point is that these are cases when it’s OK to break a vow. Because when you make a vow, you must remember two things.
You must remember what God has commanded. If you’re going to do things for God over and above his commands, they cannot be instead of his commands. Otherwise it’s like a child who’s asked to tidy their room. They know their mum loves to be given thank-you cards, so they set about making a beautiful card to thank their mum for being such a great mum. It’s lovely, but it’s not a substitute for doing what they were told.
God had told them to honour their parents. And he had ordered the relationship between husband and wife so that the wife respected her husband’s lead. You can’t throw those commands in the bin in order to do your extra bit for God.
Remember what God has commanded. But also remember your God-given relationships. It’s wonderful that men and women, adults and children, can do great things for God. But you remain a son, a daughter, a husband, a wife. Those are God-given relationships. You can’t show your love and loyalty to God in such a way that you throw off the relationships he’s put you in.
On sometimes doing less for God.
It’s time to bring this back to today.
We’ve set the backdrop. Vows are there to be kept. God has done so much for us. More than most of us can even begin to imagine. And that ought to work in us a deep love for God that doesn’t want to settle for what we have to do. That wants to dream. What could I do for the God who has blessed me so?
For many of us, this should stir us to give more, do more, be more.
But not for all of us.
Because it’s more important we do what God has asked of us, and that we honour the relationships he’s put us in, than that we do generous extra things for him.
Hopefully a few situations will help earth these principles in ways that will help us.
This church, like every other, has some married people who come without their other half. Usually the wife comes on her own, but sometimes it’s the other way around.
I often stand at the front and encourage people to come to evening meetings, to give generously to the church finances, to come every Sunday. I would quite understand if you find yourself thinking that it’s all very well for most people, but the vicar doesn’t understand. I have to do this on my own. Life’s complicated.
Well here’s what God says: Look after your marriage. Love your husband or your wife. Coming to church isn’t all there is. Clearly, God is not saying that your husband or wife should be more important to you than he is. No, God must be number 1. But he calls you to live with him as number 1 in the family he’s put you in.
Which means there must be times when you don’t take on a new church commitment, when you don’t join this rota or sit on that committee, when you don’t come to a course in the evening. There will be times when you don’t give as much to the church’s finances as you might do.
All of which you already know, and you already do it. It’s not easy, and I’m sure you handle this brilliantly But so often, people hold back and then feel guilty at not giving God their all. I hope it’s liberating to hear what God actually requires This chapter is saying that there’s no need to feel guilty. This is giving God your all. It’s just doing it in the context, in the relationships you’re in.
To take a different example, I think of a man I once knew. None of you will know him. He did so much in his church. He ran errands for people; he helped people with DIY; he cared for the sick; he drove people to hospital. There was a long queue of people to say how marvellous he was. He was a hero in his church.
His wife did share his faith. But she also had very severe arthritis. She was in considerable pain, and needed help with even the most mundane tasks in life. And she was the one person who hardly saw this wonderful man. She spent most of her day on her own, struggling on, while her husband was out being the hero to dozens of others. That’s not right, is it?
Some people give things up for Lent. It’s a classic example of a vow. God doesn’t command us to do it. So it’s not for everyone. But that’s exactly the point. It’s above and beyond. You do it freely.
So if you’ve promised to give something up, then keep your promise. Probably.
Suppose you’ve given up your midday meal. For 40 days, it’s breakfast and dinner, but no lunch. But then suppose you have elderly parents. Every Sunday for 8 years you’ve had them round for Sunday lunch. I’d suggest you shouldn’t be giving up lunch on Sundays. It’s more important to eat with them.
Conclusion
God has been good. He’s promised to be, and he is.
If we’ve grasped that, it will drive us to want to do all sorts of things for him.
But God doesn’t want you to be someone else. He wants you. In the relationships you’re in, with the constraints you have, with all your other commitments.
We each need to work out for ourselves what it looks like for us to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength.